I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize