Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
