Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
