I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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