i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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