Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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