Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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