just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize