Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
