hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
