Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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