the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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