He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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