You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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