from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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