i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
