I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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