Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
