I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
