i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
