She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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