you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
