so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize