All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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