They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
