I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
