glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
