guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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