Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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