Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need to align my fucking chakras
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
