Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
