Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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