It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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