she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
