after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
