we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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