I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
