I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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