I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
