I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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