It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
