i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
