I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
