He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
