i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
