I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
