All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
