his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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