He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need mimosas to revive my soul
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
