he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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