She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
