I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I didn't notice because vodka
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
