just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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