Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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