you traded sex for a burrito?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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