There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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