"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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