I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
