just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
