Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize