Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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