if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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