Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Screwed.edu
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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