I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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