Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
