I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
